Jerry’s trial and new life in prison- prison adventures
who is your character and where is it happening?– My character is Jerry Lundeguarrd and this is happening in the district court in Brainard but afterwards he is transferred to the Minnesota correctional facility
what is your inciting incident and how do you get there? when Jerry’s illegal actions have caught up with him and the court has decided he is guilty
where do you cross the threshold? when Jerry enters the prison he is crossing the threshold
how does action rise? as Jerry enters prison and begins his new life, isolated with no-one
when does your main character get knocked down? Jerry is fresh meat in prison and at the correctional facility and some of the big boys beat him up in the shower rooms. he is put in an isolation room because is vulnerable
why does your character get back up? while in isolation he is left to ponder about what is happening on the outside. what his son is doing? where Gaear is? he is driven to get out of prison and devises a plan
what is a natural climax for your character? Jerry makes a break from prison, tricks the guards and flees the correctional facility, killing 2 guards on his escape
how will they ‘return home’? he’s back in town, he hunts down the orphanage that Scottie is at and kidnaps him
“After receiving the information here in front of me today, I hereby find Mr Lundeguarrd guilty and sentence him to 20 years in the Minnesota correctional facility”. The judge hits down the gavel, sending a silencing sound throughout the courtroom, creating an eerie presence all around
Hi Emma,
Nice idea to start your story with dialogue. This is a quick and effective way of generating interest in your reader.
Something to think about with your writing is your use of figurative language. It is good that you are trying to enhance your description using alliteration but when you write, you need to be more cautious regarding word choices. “sending a silencing sound” this is an interesting phrase, in it you are using two conflicting terms “silencing” and “sound” to create something new. The issue with this is that it can sound a little strange when read aloud.
Try reading what you have written yourself out loud and you should be able to hear what I mean.